"You're going to have to decide which is more important to you: not practicing law or being employed."
--Office of Career Services for the Downwardly Mobile (aka PILC)
Take that, non-lawyers. America has finally reached the point where all people do is sue each other. Office buildings have shriveled up and every potential employer is camped outside of a courthouse. Anyway, I think that might be funnier than what the Office of Career Services for the Upwardly Mobile (aka OCS) said to me last summer, regarding my fear that young lawyer jobs were miserable:
"It's called a job, you know. They pay you."
Besides the dialogue, the most depressing part about these meetings is when they edit my resume. They always make me delete the parts of which I'm most proud and elaborate on the stupid parts. Now if anyone asks, fighting an honor system is not the best (judging by resume space) professional experience of my life. I did not theorize about supreme court justices' personalities or defend undergraduates against charges of sexual misconduct. I did, however, call ex-cons at their homes to find out whether they enjoyed their custodial jobs.
Guess which one I should submit as a writing sample:
- The first sensical theory of Everson v. Board of Education since it was decided in 1947, as part of an argument that the supreme court ended segregation because they hated catholics.
- An essay against rational argument in favor of emotionalism.
- Research about the difference between legal and illegal touching of genitals, in New York County.
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